Finally it is time to analyze the results of the dating survey that I published in April. Thanks a lot to everyone who answered my questions. We have got very interesting results!
Most respondents have almost had no date in the past year (66%), and 22% have only had 2 -3 dates. What does it mean? Does it mean that people nowadays have lost interest in relationships with the opposite sex? It is hard to believe that, because still 56% of respondents said that they are looking for a permanent relationship. So maybe we just do not know how to choose partners for dating? Or maybe we are not able to arrange dates and to behave in such a way that the other person would wish to meet us again and again? It is smart to approach your search for a partner or a sweetheart in a serious and thorough manner, as you would approach e.g. the purchase of a new car. A clever buyer will first consider a sufficient number of offers on the market, decide which car characteristics are important to him or her and which faults he/she can accept. And only after having become sure that this model is good enough, he/she will make a purchase. I write more about this process and how you may be sabotaging it in my article Saboterer du ditt kjærlighetsliv? (in Norwegian).
Think of how many people of your own gender you have met in your life. Thousands? And how many of them have become your close friends? Probably just a few. Our requirements for a life partner are much higher than those for a friend. The conclusion is simple: not many people are suitable for us for an intimate relationship. It is not surprising then that the search of a soul mate consumes so much of our time and energy.
Where do people meet? Our respondents met their last date through friends (22%), at a party (11%), on a street or in a store (11%) and 44% on the Internet. The Internet has in recent years become a very popular place for meeting people. No wonder that the entire 78% of our respondents have tried this method. And although one can often hear statements like ‘serious people do not date on Internet’, I don’t think it is true. Everyone sees what he wants to see and finds what he is looking for.
I am positive to all methods of meeting new people. In the end, it matters not where people met but how the relationship developed. And it looks like most of you agree with me: half of the respondents would agree to be set up for a blind date, and 78% would try to get acquainted with somebody they liked in a shop, if the other person shows their interest. I also believe that it is smart to tell all the relatives and friends that you’re looking for a partner – they may by chance meet somebody you may be interested in! Among our respondents only 22% have used this channel. If you read Russian, check my blog about different ways to meet a partner.
In our global age, it has become normal to meet people of different nationalities. Despite this, many are skeptical towards dating a foreigner: 25% of respondents would prefer not to have such a relationship, and 12% agreed to meet only people of a nationality close to their own. And this is understandable: people who grew up in different cultures, will most probably have different views upon life. Incompatible approaches to child-rearing, to the division of household duties, to leisure activities and finances can create tensions in the family. I have lived for many years in Norway, and can tell you a lot about this topic. If you have questions, please contact me: firstname.lastname@example.org
Indeed, for the relations to be good and thriving, it is very important that the partners have similar life values, otherwise conflicts can not be avoided. The key for developing and maintaining a good relationship is the ability to compromise. Most of our respondents seem to have this ability: 78% would agree to spend less time with a friend that their partner dislikes. It is also important that your beloved one has the qualities that are necessary for you to see in a life partner. 78% of respondents to the survey have also certain requirements about the appearances of a future partner. Indeed, usually people create a certain “image” of a suitable partner – we like people with a particular bodybuilding or a particular hair color. But we should consider whether we are complicating our opportunities, consciously limiting the number of possible options? Besides, very often an instant “chemistry” occurs when a person reminds us of someone from the past. We may not be aware of it, but the subconscious mind is attracting us to this person, and often only because we have an unresolved conflict with someone like him/her in the past! At such moments it is better to stop and think: am I luring myself into a trap? Could it happen that a history of failed relationships with a previous partner repeats itself? Am I on my way to a relationship with a copy of my father or mother, trying to heal a childhood trauma? I look upon the laws of attraction in a more detailed manner, and come up with dating tips in my newsletter about flirting (in Russian):
And thanks again to all who took part in my survey!