Why do we get hurt? Because the world is full of cruel and evil people? Sticking to this point of view would only mean to torment yourself. In fact, circumstances may play the role of a trigger that activates a “hurt program” inherent in all of us. Where does this program come from? Like most of the negative feelings, from early childhood. If parents take good care of the child, meet all its needs, all is well. But if they suddenly cease to pay due attention to the child – it immediately feels fear and panic because it can not survive alone, without adults. In this way the program is being formed: if others do not behave the way I want, an alarm is triggered: danger! A small child is used to achieve a lot with the help of tears. So, a behavior model is laid: it is necessary to show you are hurt to get what you want.
Hurt feelings generate anger and aggression. And regardless of whether this aggression is directed inwards or outwards, it strikes at the person him- or herself. Bitterness ruins our health, increasing the acidity of the stomach and destroying the walls of blood vessels. Hard feelings darken our lives, making it dull and joyless.
How to get rid of hurt feelings?
1. Express your feelings. Be sincere with yourself and admit that you feel offended. Do not attempt to disguise the hurt feelings.
2. Dissolve the offense. Listen to yourself. Where do you feel the hurt is stuck in your body? This is the area where you might feel tension, stiffness, or heaviness. Concentrate on the feelings in this area. Maybe you see your hurt as a slimmy clump or as something else. Then imagine how it melts. You can also imagine that you are pulling the hurt out of your body and immediately throw it either into water or into a flame.
3. Learn to forgive others. It does not mean that you have to make peace with your abuser. You may decide that you will never meet this person again, and yet you forgive him or her as you forgive debt to impoverished people. If you do it with all your heart, the negative emotions will disappear.
4. Learn to accept others as they are. Hurt feelings often arise because of our excessive demands of others. We have often illusions about a person, but then it shows that he or she is different. Think though – we do not get offended if we are bitten by a cat or a dog. We know that these creatures are biting. We have to learn that some people also “bite”, and it is better to let them remain the way they are.
5. Learn how to deal with the offender. If someone intentionally hurt you, it means that the person feels some sort of discomfort inside them. If a person tries to hurt others, it’s their problem, not yours.
6. Stop accumulating hurt feelings. If someone has offended you, tell him about it once. Then never bring up old hurts.
7. Learn something of negative experience. Hard feelings may indicate that we have weaknesses that need to be strengthened. You feel offended by your bosses comment? Maybe you need to reconsider your attitude to your work, and start to work better? Or should you find a more attractive job for yourself? Do you feel insulted, humiliated, did someone violate your rights? Then it’s time to learn how to defend your borders, and to not allow anybody to interfere with your life.
Get rid of your hurt, and you will see that life has become better and easier!