We need to talk about relationships, otherwise they will fade away! Why do people have rows with their partners? Because they are missing out on an important part of their life together – they don’t talk about their relationships. And without such conversations relationships begin to fade away. When the partners feel it, they try subconsciously to revive the relationship, starting to quarrel. A row is the only way for them to express their feelings, they just don´t know of any other way to do it. But this skill can be learned.
The clue is simply to talk to each other! Try to talk about things that worry you, and thing that you like. If you feel concerned, displeased or if you have any questions – do not be silent. The worst thing you can do is actually to be silent. Good things that happen between you also need to be discussed. Discuss pleasant events, talk about successes, dreams and plans for the future. But it is important to remember the golden rule of communication: Express your feelings, using so-called “I-messages”. For example, instead of “You are hurting me,” it is better to say “I feel offended”. The first phrase sounds like an accusation, it makes your partner move to the defense, while the second one is a self-disclosure. Here are more examples of “I-messages”: “I get very concerned when you are late” instead of “Why are you late?”. “It hurts when you raise your voice” instead of “Do not shout!”. When people talk to each other in this way they become closer.
Don’t open a conversation with your problems, troubles or doubts. Start with the good things that happened with you lately. Talk about what misunderstandings you might have had. Talk also about the offenses – offenses are particularly important to discuss, they shouldn´t be stored and allowed to accumulate.
To speak frankly about the relationship, you need to completely trust each other. No barriers should exist between people who love each other. If you feel like a wall is being built between you – it can be an alarming signal. It means that the trust is gone, that you are afraid that your openness can be used against you. And perhaps this fear comes from your childhood, especially if these kind of conversations were not usual in your family. Try to get rid of fear, take the first step towards openness! It may save your relationship!