Have you felt “unwanted” since your childhood? Are you always trying to convince others that you are “a good person”? Do you think that you are a dull companion, a bad employee or a lousy spouse?
Most likely, you grew up as “a guilty child”. Why do we actually feel guilty?
Guilt arises in us in our early childhood. We are all born helpless and not yet capable of explaining the cause of this helplessness. The child thinks that if it cannot manage something while the adults can, it is “bad”, something is wrong with it. Some parents will try to support the child, help it and teach it how to manage things. Others will blame it for the mistakes and failures, reinforcing the sense of guilt in the child. For example, the child is not to blame for the fact that it does not sleep and wake up his parents, but if the parents scold it, it starts to feel bad. This child, growing up, can greatly suffer because of a feeling of guilt, painfully reliving its slightest mistakes. The persons main credo becomes “I do not deserve better,” and he/she will subconsciously choose destructive scenarios, tolerating poor fortune.
How to get out of the trap “a guilty child”?
1. Make a list of your “sins”.
Write down everything that makes you feel guilty. A few days later, review this list, but imagine that it was somebody else who wrote the list – a person who is dear to you. You will find that the list contains minor errors and failures that could be done by anybody.
2. Look at yourself with loving eyes. Only then you can stop blaming and cursing yourself and start treating yourself as a wonderful person. Spend some time every day looking at yourself with the loving eyes of a person that loves you unconditionally, understands you and forgives you everything. Soon you will see that the habit of looking at yourself with loving eyes has become your second nature.
3. Learn to forgive yourself. Stand in front of a mirror and remember what your parents scolded you for. Say out loud, referring to yourself as a child, that you forgive yourself! Your behavior was absolutely normal, as all healthy children behave like that! Forgive yourself also for your adult “sins”.